Summary of 2011

I’ve been somewhat socially aloof this past year, and having not been on Facebook for a good portion of 2011 (yes… I caved and got back on) and not having done much by the way of updating this blog, people have been woefully deprived of a barrage of 250 character updates about the state of my being. As such, I’ve decided to write a summary of what the past twelve months have been like for me – both as a means of keeping my distant acquaintances up to speed and as a way to indulge in self-satisfying literary masturbation as I craft a narrative solely centered on the glorious creature which is me.

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Snippets of Current Conversation IV: A Conundrum

Rachel: Man… why is there so much Team Fortress 2 porn?

Sasha: It’s a popular thing.

Rachel: GTA4 is a popular thing and I can barely find any porn of it.

Sasha: Yes, well… Team Fortress 2 is a better shooting game, and what is the essence of a shooter but reaching out to touch somebody…

Rachel:

Sasha: … with bullets.

Bee Kitty

I have a long history of awkward pet names in my relationships. Sasha is lucky he wasn’t saddled with “cheese bucket.”

New Smiley

//\{::,,::}/\\

It’s a spider. For your Internet.

 

New blog. You can look at all the garbage that I eat/wear/breathe/snort now.

After months of procrastination, I finally bought the necessary cables for my dumpster camera. As a result, a second blog, which caters more directly to people’s oft-stated desires to look at things I find in the trash has been formed at http://lovegarbage.tumblr.com/.

Quarter Life Crisis Action Hero, although updated sporadically, will still prove home to my occasional meandering stories of woe and witty exchanges with Sasha.

Also, noting my past slip ups and finding that I care less than I thought, comments are now enabled.

Somebody Finished a Major Artistic Endeavor…

… time to celebrate!

(For those who are confused, check out A Moment of Peace)

How We Got Together: I was dead. Sasha was attacked by Pterodactyls.

My wedding will be about being awesome and making my siblings feel awkward. The dress and shit is incidental.

Snippets of Current Conversation III: Rachel Passes into Womanhood

Sasha: …did you really have doubts about it?

Rachel: No. But its always a nice thing to hear from one’s mother.

Sasha: Is it now?

Rachel: I guess not so much for a guy…

Sasha: But it is for a woman?

[long pause]

Rachel: Yes… it’s like a rite of passage.

[slightly shorter long pause]

Sasha: Having your mother tell you that you could kill her in a cage match is a rite of passage?

Rachel: Shut up.

Snippets of Current Conversation II: Sasha’s Planned Lullaby for Potential Offspring

Early evidence indicating that my children will be just as neurotic as I am. Sung to the tune of Brahm’s “Lullaby”

Go to sleep!
Go to sleep!
Or the monsters will eat you!
And you’ll die!
And you’ll die!
So go to sleep! Don’t cry!

Sasha! Don’t be Sad!

Sometimes in the course of a relationship, one party will become visibly filled with ungodly palpable despair for no discernible reason,  the other party will ask “Are you okay?” and the first party will reply with an ominous monotone “I’m fine.” with the subtext being “I’m not fine at all, I wish that the existential gloom of the yawning abyss in my mind would devour me and render me into nothingness.”

I know few people on or off Earth who have never engaged in this verbal deferral of their emotions, and I freely admit my guilt. However, I don’t deal with the whole process well when it comes from Sasha.

Thankfully, we’re the awesomest couple to ever inhabit space since space stopped being a singularity! So instead of turning this whole process into a grounds for some manner of silly domestic argument the last time it occurred, I drew him a chart!

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